Fears and Futures

This one is a hard one y'all. As tough as I try to be, it has been weighing on my mind and it's rough. 

Prepare yourself.

After 22 years of life, 17 of which have been spent in school, I have now officially registered for what will potentially be the last semester of schooling for me. As exciting as this is, it truly means change. I used to think I was perfectly happy with change and that everything was simply a new adventure, but this time around I have some very different feelings. These feelings are not all of any side. They are not necessarily good, and not necessarily bad. That gray area in the middle is a rather uncomfortable place to be, yet here I am. This is one of many points weighing on my mind, but it is the most prevalent at this time. 

When I was younger and dealing with different dramas in my life, I used to clash pretty badly with my mother. I thought at the time that this was because she was, "just so uptight and we were so very different." 

Oh, how wrong I was. 

As time has gone on I have discovered that I am, indeed, my mother's daughter. She and I have so much in common that I have found that she truly is a wealth of knowledge and not simply a character in my personal story. While I am my mother's detail-oriented and cautious daughter in many respects, I find that I am still very capable of the spontaneous and vibrant behavior of my father as well, this sometimes gets me into (rather entertaining) trouble, but can sometimes be a source of enjoyment for those around me and a release from my normally scheduled focus. 

At this time in my life, these two very different and very ingrained traits are battling. Hillary was always the one that my parents said had issues with change....I really don't think she's the only one. As it turns out, so do I. I am not easily scared, I normally move toward changes with vigor and determination, but this one has me scared stiff. 

I don't particularly relish being scared, I want to be "The Tough One" and be able to support others, but some days I have a hard time feeling like I support myself. 

My life (in terms of art) used to be kind of a color-by-number. I had options of what colors to use, but I always knew where I went next and what colors went where. Like coming to college. I knew that it was a change to move, but I also knew exactly what was expected and what I was to do next. This time around my life seems like more of a blank canvas than ever before. I don't know what comes next for me. There are so many roads that I simply must choose one.....but which is right? 

I have never been much good at painting, so 

what if I screw up this beautiful canvas with my first strokes? 

To quote Bob Ross, as my best friend did at me earlier this evening (morning?), "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents." I know that this is meant to bring me comfort, but strangely I still feel that I am not qualified to make these decisions. No matter how much of an adult I want to be, or how far I have come to be where I am. 

Thus is the nature of life, isn't it? Life wasn't made to feel safe. It wasn't made to be perfect. I accepted a long time ago that I am a beautiful mess, now I just have to reiterate that to myself. I had a professor point out to me a couple weeks ago that I do what is asked and I do it beautifully, but he then followed that with one simple word (directed at more than simply my homework) that I am trying to apply. 

That word is "Live!"

And why am I scared to live? 

Because life is hard. But it is also beautiful. And wonderful. And profound. 

I want to be beautiful, wonderful, and profound! 

So heres to stepping past the fears and building a beautiful future!

When I find the "right" way, I'll let you know.

Life, here I come!

Live!

Stubborn

Was I a stubborn child? 

I'm not really sure. I have wondered this many times as I have moved through this crazy existence, but never have I really realized where I stood on the issue.

When one is called stubborn it is frequently used in a derogatory manner. I have decided that is not what it is meant for at all. Here begins my quest to explain how stubbornness can benefit the wise. Or just benefit me. 

Cut to Summer 2015. 

I was working at Walmart in Cedar Hills. This was a temporary job, as I would be going back to school in the fall, so I was coping with where I was just fine. One fateful day/couple weeks, my supervisor realized I was the only person under her who had had no disciplinary actions taken against them. This could be for some obvious reason. For example: I am attentive to detail, I work hard, I knew what I was doing, or at least wasn't doing anything wrong. Instead of sticking with this line of exceedingly logical thinking, my supervisor proceeded to search for reasons to "coach" me.

Excuse me? No. 

This began to wear on me very badly, as I was doing the best that I could every day to go above and beyond the call of duty and I was still being kicked down for doing so. This went on for about two weeks. I was miserable. Everyone I spent time with could tell. My parents were very concerned, and even tried giving me suggestions, but "this was a temporary job and I could stick it out." (Hah)

I had been running myself ragged for a little while when suddenly, my supervisor came to me during my shift and yelled at me for something I had not done. This was the last straw. For me and my body. About half-way through said shift I became very ill and almost threw up multiple times. This is when I was found in a corner of the back room by a very concerned Manager. This woman looked at my pale and sweating self and sent my butt home to recuperate. 

Wonder of Wonders, Miracle of Miracles!

As soon as I was out of the building and safely on the road home, I began to feel better. This is where the correct stubborn kicked in! 

As soon as I was home, and had explained my sudden appearance at the house to my mother, I got on my laptop (with ginger ale and GF toast as my sword and shield) and proceeded to apply for and call about six jobs. SIX! I was done with that job. 

I must have made a decently respectable effort on the applications too, because I got calls for 5 of them. I took an interview the next afternoon, and I was out of Wally-World by the end of the week.

My father looked at me after all of this and said, 

"When you get irritated enough you kick it into high gear and you get stubborn. When that happens, nothing at all can stop you."

Nothing at all can stop you. That is one of the best connotations of being stubborn, I have ever heard! 

This kind of thing has happened multiple times in my life. I was always afraid of being called stubborn, but looking back, it has mostly been for good causes. 

My interest about this was piqued tonight as I sat, mildly moping, in my room. I was upset about recent events and was unsure of how to go about feeling better. I have been sad for about a month now and I wanted that sadness to end without malice and without anger. I had become irritable about my own attitude. So, I chose stubborn! It has been a friend to me in the past.

Yet again, I was being stubborn and feeling sorry for myself. "Oh, I never go out. I don't see people as much as I'd like to. I don't meet new people. My plans have fallen through. I'm emotionally distraught." Today, I decided finally to stop that. I got so irritated with my own pathetic attitude that I stepped up and said, "No. You are a strong, independent woman. You are free, white and over twenty-one. You don't need no man!"
(please imagine this said by a sassy Octavia Spencer from "The Help")

Thus, here I am with a newly organized room, a happier outlook on all my responsibilities, a nice bowl of Cheerios, a plan to meet new people, and A SMILE ON MY FACE!! 

NOTHING AT ALL CAN STOP ME! 

I guess after all is said and done, I am me, and I am OK. 

I want all of you to know that no matter how battering the storm may get-no matter the trial-nothing at all can stop you. It doesn't matter if you are a stubborn person at all. You are a person, and you deserve to have all the happiness you choose. This is what matters.
So never let ANYTHING stop you! 

Oh Happy Day!

Adventure Is On I15

This weekend I decided that it would be a fun idea to go home on an unplanned visit. My father had no idea I was coming, and my mother thought I would not get there until evening. I showed up on my back porch Friday at noon and proceeded to have a lovely weekend! 

I rode around in my sister's convertible. I went to stake conference with my father. I did a ton of fun things! I had so much fun this weekend, that I chose to stay at home until Monday morning. I had nothing going on until about 11 AM. (being a Grad student is nice that way) So, barring some tragedy, I decided that I had plenty of time to get back for school and still spend another evening with my family.

Monday morning dawned bright and beautiful as I began the last leg of my adventure. Little did I know that my adventure would bring me so much. 

I was a mere 30 miles from my destination of Cedar City, Utah (after driving 3 hours), and I was having a grand old time. I was singing along with my brand new Barbra Streisand CD and munching on Baken-ets chips, when suddenly tragedy struck! My dear, lovely, wonderful little Baja *thunked*. Now, if you know anything about cars, they are not supposed to *thunk*. They definitely are not supposed to start smoking profusely either. As I pulled my vehicle to the side of the road, I turned the radio off and started to wonder how to deal with this problem. 

Once I arrived at my new destination of 
I15 mile-marker # 86, 
I realized that my engine was not making a peep. There was no gentle lovable hum. There was no sound at all. This was bad.

Little bit of background information: I am 22 years old. I don't like driving long distances by myself. My parents were both at school. And I had NO idea whatsoever of what to do in this situation. I have never had a car break down. I have never seen my parents cars break down. 

This was very new. 

I proceeded to call both my parents to get assistance in what the heck I was even supposed to do now. Meanwhile, cars are zooming past, caring nothing for my panic. I FINALLY got ahold of my mother and (scared the crap out of her at work) received all the necessary guidance for this new bout of fun. 

I called the insurance people (hoping this would not affect my rates) and found out that I get one free tow! Thank you Mom and Dad for having this insurance! I could wait for a tow truck! That would be fine. Then the operator told me that I had approximately a 90 minute wait.

This was at 10 AM. I was going to miss all the things. So, to remain calm (while sitting in my toasty vehicle on the side of the freeway) I proceeded to call professors and anyone I would possibly need to notify. After this so called fun I got out of the car and decided to brave the terror of opening the hood. I knew I couldn't fix anything, but I wanted to at least see if the problem was something I could see. Ever seen the aftermath of shooting multiple cans of oil? Neither have I, but I have a pretty good idea what it would look like. There was oil everywhere in there! No way I could fix this. 

My car essentially had the flu and threw up all over itself! 

This is when I realized that the tow truck was going to take me to my apartment. What on earth was I going to do with my sad little sick car there? This conundrum was solved with the old standby of "Phone A Friend"! Luckily I have "car people" friends and friends with tow straps...these friends were not the same person interestingly enough. 

----Two Hours Later----

I was finally picked up after sitting in the hot sun for two hours, and taken to my home. 

I will now skip the anecdote of towing my car to the shop and the silly looks I got when I told the man there that my car had, indeed, *thunked*, smoked, and looked like a vehicular slaughter case.

----This Brings Us to Today----

I received a call from a kind man at the shop. He literally asked me if I was sitting down. 

(I may be emotionally attached to my car) 

Diagnosis of the problem: My sunny little truck threw a rod. 

Apparently if I go down to the shop they can show me what this means. I was told that my engine literally has a huge hole in the top of it. My engine has exploded. 

So it's not just the flu. My car has to have a heart transplant. Ok. 

More life experience!

Oh Happy Day! 

(I hope that you have enjoyed reading this story. I am trying to blog again. This could be interesting.)

Three Weeks In

Three weeks. 20%. one fifth. Not there yet. 

I am three weeks into my third year of this adventure! It's going really well so far despite all the stress. I have been given so many opportunities in just the first three weeks and it feels great! I just finished singing with the choir for the new university president's inauguration and it was so good for me to be able to perform with them this early on!

This week I also had the opportunity to sing for the "Homecoming Gala" held in the library on Wednesday night. The purpose of the gala was to showcase some of the talent in the CPVA college. There were selections from musical theater, instrumental music, and still arts. The part I performed with was a small selection of music students chosen to perform Opera pieces. This gave me the wonderful privilege to perform once again O mio babbino caro by Puccini. The rehearsals were confusing and a hassle to schedule, but the gala really was a wonderful experience. 

I am really loving not having to directly deal with the drama that I overcame last year, but I still receive updates on people who were causing such situations and it just makes me laugh to know that I have grown so much from where I was!! 

My schedule is ridiculously crazy and somewhat exciting, but I am focusing on my schoolwork and I am loving it here! Although I am focusing so hard I still find time to have fun, for example, tonight is the Forever Red Celebration for Homecoming and I am excited to go celebrate this wonderful school's history and spend time with some wonderful friends! 

So, until next time, have a very happy day!

Oh Happy Day!!

Just to Recap

When I said I was working full time for the summer I was completely serious....I sadly did not have the time or energy to blog, which seems terrible, but really it means that I was attempting to accomplish so much more than I could. 

I worked and worked and worked this summer. On my days off I did things like mow the lawn, clean the house, pack, and even extracted honey with my dad! I spent a lot of time with the people who are closest to me and really enjoyed being home for a little while. 

Now, I am one week into school and though I miss being at home, I am still loving it here! I am (yet again) taking a full course load of 18 credits, participating as an SUUSA Department Rep. and some of my 18 credits are in things that take more time than regular classes. I am participating this year in the opera (Dido and Aeneas) and two choirs (as usual) and in the spring I will be auditioning for a role in SUU's production of Fiddler on the Roof. This is going to be a very exciting year! 

One week in and I'm already exhausted, but I'm finally living in my own room and cooking my own meals and I can truly say that the drama is basically non-existent now! I am living with two of my best friends and we all are enjoying it here. It's a little more of a walk from campus than where we were living (on campus housing), but we are all enjoying the freedom and lack of strict quiet hours and shared rooms and confusion. 

With all the excitement of being a Junior in college, I still miss home like crazy, but I know that this is where I am meant to be and that when I finish this grand adventure I will be a much greater person for it! I have already seen the growth in my life and I am very blessed and happy to be here! I love the people who support me in all that I do and I want them to know that I love them very much and that I miss them and value them above all else.

Love, Corlissa

Oh Happy Day!!!

Landed It!

After the excitement of yesterday I got down to business studying for my other finals until I received a phone call. I just found out that I have a job for the summer!  

Full time, Good pay, and in the morning so I will have plenty of time to spend with my family and friends this summer! 

I'm very excited about this job. The store is holding the opening for me until I can go in on Monday to sign paperwork and do a drug test and then I am clear to work all summer! 

Also I have decided that in some of my free time after I get a new laptop I will be recording some things and doing some shameless self promoting! It's gonna be fun to sing simply for my own enjoyment and not for a grade!  

This summer is gonna be GREAT!

Oh happy day!

Halfway.

a Sophomore Gateway. 

a test of your dedication and strength in the music department.

to ensure that the students are learning what they need to be. 

to help students know what they have to look forward to in the music world. 

causing me grief for two years now. 

the gateway is done two years into the music degree and there are several requirements to pass. 

My Sophomore Gateway was today. 

This was the most stressful thing I have done in school thus far, but I got past it.

I PASSED MY GATEWAY!!!!! 

If you hadn't noticed, I am super excited about this fact! :D

I will now be continuing on next semester as a Junior!! I'm halfway there! In other news, I had the idea to do my Junior Recital with a percussionist. Apparently mixing voice and instrumental in recitals does not happen frequently. I do not believe that a percussionist and a vocalist have ever done it together at SUU, but it's gonna happen! 

I'm so happy that my ideas are working out!

Well it is finals week, so I must go study s'more Math and Form + Analysis. 

I will pass ALL THE FINALS!!!! (i passed the most worrisome one)

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!

(Halfway There!)

One Hour.

Today has been insane and will continue to be so, but I just wanted to make a short post about the fact that I only have one real hour of free time today but in that time I can accomplish wonders! 

I wanted to give myself a mini pep talk because I have a ton to do this week and none of it became known until today. I have decided that I can do this. I'm excited for this weekend when my mom gets home from Idaho and I can call her up and tell her that I am amazing! 

I'm really just rambling now, but I wanted everyone to know that:

No matter how little time you have, you can accomplish wonders! 

That is who you are! Don't let others doubt what you have and will do! 

Life waits for no one, but you can beat time!

That is all for today, but I just wanted you to know that you are amazing!

Have a wonderful day!

Oh happy (exhausting) day!

Good Morning!! it's not morning.......

In case anyone should drive by and ask you, today has been an immensely long day. That isn't to say that it has been negative in any way, I actually had a wonderful day. I just am BEAT!! 

I have simply been running all day and doing all sorts of things with little to no breaks in the midst of this insanity. 

Started simple today: went to all my classes. Pretty straightforward right? then everything kinda piled on top of that in some sort of psycho-physical dogpile! After classes I: worked out, did my math homework on matrices, went to a housing tour,morehomework,dinnermissionariesvoicepracticeandcamehometobeexhaustedbeyondbelieforrecognition!!!!!!! 

I believe it is safe to say that I am tired and need a bit of a break.....and it is only Monday. Only three more weeks. I Can Do This!!!! 

Luckily I have the best support in the entire world. I can survive the rest of this insaneo semester and make it to 20! 

I hope that everyone has the ability some time in their life to have support that can carry them through every trial that comes in their way. 

Oh Happy Day of Days.

Strength.

After missing a month I'm back. Yet again with the absences. If blogging was a class I would have an "F". Just got back from spring break a couple days ago and already I am realizing just how much I must do by the end of the semester!! I can do this!

I am really grateful for the joys and trials of this school year. All sorts of things have happened from my first "D" and losing people to getting to sing two solos in a concert and my best friend becoming a member of the LDS church. Every one of those things and more have helped to shape me from who I was at the beginning of the year to who I am now. I feel so much calmer and more myself than I ever have been. I am happy!

Even through disappointments and anger I am trying to be positive. I feel that some of the things in my life are testing me and training me into being more patient, calm and understanding. I feel kindof bad sometimes because I get down on myself for being upset, but I have to remind myself that I am allowed to be myself. I am learning that I don't always have to be for other people. Sometimes I have to be selfish and support my own feelings. I am learning this....finally. 

I know I don't say it as much as I should, but my parents are amazing. I am so glad that I have them because they always know what to say and how to help me. They know how to help me learn to change and to grow. They know when something in my life is bothering me whether I tell them or not. They know who I am and what I want to do and they have helped me to achieve even more than I ever dreamed I'd do.

When I was little I wanted to marry a rich man, live next to my parents, and have 8-10 babies. Those dreams have changed, but the dreaming girl is still here. I love that my parents will support me no matter what I choose to do. I am so glad that my parents have given me the skills I need to survive and to thrive in the drama and struggle of the world. I am glad they have taught me to move past things and to be myself.

I am so happy to be who I am. I love my parents and the help that they have always given me. 

I shall now end this slightly sappy post by saying.........

 I CAN DO THIS!!!!!

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!

about gluten and school life

Approximately a week ago in the dining hall my friends and I were given comment cards to put our ideas and concerns about the food and service on. Many people do not know this or realize it, but I am "gluten intolerant" which means a couple things. 

The first is that I cannot eat much with wheat, rye, or barley in it.if I eat too much these grains begin to cause HAVOC on my body because of a little protein called gluten.

The second is that eating in public places is hard and slightly complicated and sometimes embarrassing because much of what is served has bread, or cream based soup, or crumbs, or simply has been contaminated by food that does have these things. 

I wrote several nice things about the service and the appearance of the place, but when it asked about the food I filled the entire space with ideas on bringing back the exclusively gluten free foods. 

I get very frustrated as I have a meal plan that allows me to eat in the dining hall twice a day. At the beginning of this semester the dining hall management decided that they were going to "revamp" their system. They began putting out different foods, they started putting hamburgers on buns for us, they dressed things up a bit more. It was all fine and dandy except that with this change the gluten-free section with breads and cookies and bagels and snacks.......was gone. This life bringing section has been missing all semester and I was beginning to get a bit flustered and upset at every meal trying to eat things that were "safe", until today!

The GLUTEN FREE FOODS WERE BACK AT LUNCH!!!!! I had a wonderful sandwich and I was so happy!  

OH Happy Day!!

(also, when I have time I am going to put together an informative post on gluten and the fad diet that I do not understand)

Find Joy.

"Pray For You"

I haven't been to church since I don't remember when
Things were goin' great 'til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can't go hatin' others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them
I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like  

I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you
I'm really glad I found my way to church
'Cause I'm already feelin' better and  

I thank God for the words
Yeah I'm goin' take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin' up and I'll keep prayin' for you
I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos
I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like 

I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you. I pray for you 

 

In all reality, I really do pray for people, not like this. I have been upset about some things lately and this song makes me feel a bit better because I think it's funny but don't think this way so I posted it. I have my own personal demons, like anyone, but I try not to broadcast them to the world. These aren't truly my demons, but I wish I were open enough to talk to people when I need help, but I'm not. I wish when I was frustrated I was brave enough to tell people what I think, but I'm not. I wish I were stronger than I am, but I'm not. I have flaws. Because of this I have learned and tried to be tolerant of those around me. I love this life and I am starting to love the person I am becoming more and more! 

 

I would never say these words to anyone in reality, but sometimes I get frustrated and don't understand how other people function. I get upset sometimes and try to hold it down to avoid unnecessary problems with the people around me. I am learning, however, that there is a point when kindness becomes a crutch that other people will take advantage of. There is a point when I have to be completely honest about the fact that some people have been given "enough rope to hang them-self with or climb to the heights." I truly pray that you learn to climb if you find you are standing at the end of your rope. 

 

Climb and then fly! 

 

Joy is the best medicine, this is why I will keep being the joyful young lady that I was raised to be.

 

I want to say now, after my rant, that I am so very grateful to the people around me for helping me to be joyful and keep my head up in the face of anything. Hard times may come, but with help I have the strength to have joy. 

 

I pray you find your source of joy.

Have Joy.

Oh Happy Day! 

Call us crazy. We are.

This entire post is going to be stories that I have been accumulating this year with some of my friends, not all of them however. 

Spacious as a Brick
On campus this year there is some construction being done outside of the student center. In order to get to the building in which I spend ALL my time I am required to walk across the new cement structure they have put in front of the library. The cement is really nice and well done and looks wonderful as an addition to campus. 
However.
The day after the area was opened for access I was walking along with my friends and one of them, Laura, got extremely excited about all the space! She made a graceful show and gesture of joy, proclaiming,"It's so spacious!!" This normally would have been really adorable and fun but in the process of doing this she tripped over the only object anywhere near. Right beneath her feet was a single red brick in the middle of nowhere!
Stolen Identity
Matt always seems to be accused of something somebody else did. The other day, while leaving the parking lot a young man was walking along the exit really slowly. He was right in the way of Kimmi getting out and she had no idea what to do in this situation. The boy glanced quickly over his shoulder and as he did Kimmi called out, "MATT!!!" This caused a chain reaction of her scaring me and Matt himself saying, "I'm in the back seat....."
I Like This Shirt
In the midst of several crossing conversations at dinner one day (this happens frequently when all nine of us are at dinner) we were all being rather rowdy and silly and suddenly. (a wild Austin appears)....Austin popped off rather randomly,"I like this shirt. This is my favorite shirt."    WHAT?? None of us were expecting this as it had nothing to do with anything, but it was ridiculously funny and has now become a pseudo catch phrase for one of the quietest people in this rambunctious group.
two three
Dead Woman's Intuition
DaLynn. A very devious young lady. She is so dang funny though. The other day we were having a completely mundane conversation while texting and then suddenly it turned into this......

And this is the conversation they had. 

What?


Also, just for information's sake "group" not mentioned:
Jessika (my cutie patootie roommate)
Jordan (my bud from down the hall)
Aaron (that guy who moved away)
Jesse (goofiest)
Truman (the NOT hipster)
 

Sanity!!

Workin hard or hardly workin? That's about how I feel half the time. Some days I'm on and good......and then there's the days where I feel like I'm falling behind.
I CAN DO THIS!!! :D

Oh happy day! Lovely mini post!

Confidently!

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!

Live the life you've imagined.

-Thoreau

...so....i'm a failure at writing on my own blog....BUT! I'm fixing that right now! My new focus in life is JOY!! Therefore, I shall be doing more of the things that make me (and other people) happy and less of the brooding-worrying-stressing-exhaustion that I have had for 

TOO LONG!

There are gonna be some changes in the near future. 

For those of you who do not yet know I am recently and calmly a sophomore in vocal performance.

No worries, do not sympathize, because this is my way of venting and I shall do it in a happy manner and be quite hilarious in the meantime!

Now that we have established this....ONWARD.

Oh Happy Day!!!!

Lovely, Beautiful Day

poetry

poetry is perfect
a shadow of myself
a fan to the flames of my feelings

the power in the music
the language in the length
and every moment that i remember

don't forget me
don't lose your faith
the planes of this life are shifting for better

it's late at night
but still i'm here
lying awake waiting for it

the realization hits
it's not the poetry
it's my heart 


Just some little thoughts. I was tired of contention, so I just sat here thinking....and typing obviously. It kinda seems like word vomit, but my thoughts aren't as connected as I would like right now. 

Oh happy day!

So it's finals!

So DANG excited for Friday!!! Thanks to my dear lovely wonderful friend and attache Holly I get to head home right after my last horrible final. The final final of the semester will legitimately be the worst. English and Italian Diction.....I hate you. But it is nearly over!! So happy. I miss my family and my home and honestly my green walls. 

So there is no snow.....Which sucks. It's horrible. This is not Christmas! and yes, I know that snow is not what Christmas is about, but the lack of snow just makes me more homesick and it is hard to get into the spirit of Christ when you are homesick. 

Dear Mommy, Daddy, and Hillard, 

I'ma comin' home soon. This will be a wonderful break since I haven't seen my sister for more than one day since I came to school. Miss her to death. She is definitely getting hugged when I get there, Too Bad For Her!!! Hah. So the song on my mind right now that is supposed to come true here on Thursday (but that's questionable) is this:

Oh the weather outside is frightfulBut the fire is so delightfulAnd since we've no place to goLet It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

It doesn't show signs of stoppingAnd I've bought some corn for poppingThe lights are turned way down lowLet It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

When we finally kiss goodnightHow I'll hate going out in the storm!But if you'll really hold me tightAll the way home I'll be warm

The fire is slowly dyingAnd, my dear, we're still goodbyingBut as long as you love me soLet It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Oh Happy Day! This is truly the most wonderful time of year. (yes, I am one of those wierdos who would love winter even without the Christmas spirit. 

                     Love, D'liss!!

also. I moved out of my room. I live down the hall and I am loving it. Love MJ but needed something else.

Night!

Walk You to the Water- For My Sister

A song for my sister and the support I have been given. I love you. 

The best support system in my life is the one who teases me and helps me find who I am , but truly loves me and tells me in the best ways. 

Love you sis. This ones for you. Thank you for being my shelter from the thunder and not letting me go under.

There’s no freedom for the faithless here

Who only see through hollow eyes of fear

Have you traveled well to what you want to be ?

Or would you count yourself another casualty ?

Hope you know that you can hold my hand

If you can truely understand

Mine’s a love you can take when you need it

But not a love you can leave when you don’t

When you find you’re slowly going under

And the light only makes it harder

The light only makes it harder to see

I will be your shelter from the thunder

Just as long as you give this promise to me

And let me walk you to the water

There’s no running blind to paradise

No gift of precious time for thinking twice

On the chances you might be taking

In waking up to face that you’ve been faking all along

From the statues on the tallest towers

To the whispers in the smallest hours

You know this moment’s too good to waste it

So don’t you waste this moment alone

When you find you’re slowly going under

And the light only makes it harder

The light only makes it harder to see

I will be your shelter from the thunder

Just as long as you give this promise to me

And let me walk you to the water

If you just let go

You will come to know

What I mean when I say that it’s okay

To be this bold

I could ease the hurt

If you only turn at my word

and you do me this honour

Let me walk you to the water

Yeah, Yeah, yeah

Let me walk you to the water

Walk You to the Water~ The Pigott Brothers.

Oh Happy Day!

Happy for you.

Courtesy of my dear sister Hillary, I have a new song for today :D

I got a call from my ex today

Telling me she got engaged 

She only told me to hurt me

'Cause that's how she was 

And she still hasn't changed

She said, "Honey, aren't you happy for me"

"You know I'd be happy for you"

I said, "If happy for you means I hate you

"Then I'm happy for you

"If crying all night means I'm out getting drunk

"Then I've been crying, too

"I know you're only calling to make you feel good

"And see if I'm blue

"So, if happy for you means I hate you

"Then I'm happy for you"

And she told me about the new guy

And his big corporate job

He's got a fancy car, and he ain't no slob,

and then

(Really?!)

She said, "Honey, aren't you happy for me"

"You know I'd be happy for you"

I said, "If happy for you means I hate you

"Then I'm happy for you

"If jealous of you means I'm out getting laid

"Then I've been jealous, too

"I know you're only talking to make you feel good

"And see if I'm blue

"So, if happy for you means I hate you

"Then I'm happy for you"

Why can't you get on with your life

You keep coming 'round and tear my heart with your knife

You don't want me back, you just want me your way

I'm happy you called so you can hear me say

"If happy for you means I hate you

"Then I'm, I'm happy for you

"If crying all night means I'm out getting drunk

"Then, baby, I've been crying, too

"I know you're only talking to make you feel good

"And see if I'm blue

"So, if happy for you means I think you're a jerk

"If happy for you means get out of my life

"If happy for you means I hate you

"Then, I'm pretty sure

"No, I'm a hundred percent positive

"That I'm happy for you"

~Happy for you-Jaron and the long road to love

My Fellow Americans,

Our President Is Barack Obama for another 4 years. I personally have no big issues with this.

I will not be posting all over Facebook about this fact however, because I feel that telling all those who voted against who you wanted that they are idiots is a lack of judgment or social aptitude. This is a rude thing to do and really..... 

DO YOU HAVE TO TYPE LIKE THIS THE WHOLE TIME????

I am sure that whoever is watching over us in heaven (whether you believe in a god or some other being or no being at all) will not allow us to have complete downfall. 

I believe that Obama will do us proud and that we will gain some faith in his tactics if Congress lets anything he proposes  pass.

Yes, It is possible to be LDS and NOT root for Romney, I do it every day, but I respect those  for him because they obviously have their own reasons and 

ARE NOT idiots. 

And YES Obama IS our President and we should support him as such.

Thank you!

(Yes, I realize that the song doesn't quite fit politics, but it does fit my emotions at the moment.)

Oh, Happy Day

Love D'liss

Mean

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me

You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing

You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, 

calling me out when I'm wounded

You, pickin' on the weaker man

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow

But you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation

You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them

I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you

I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold

But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road

And you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game

With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things

Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing

But all you are is mean

All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life

And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah

Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city

(Why you gotta be so mean?)

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

(Why you gotta be so mean?)

Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

(Why you gotta be so mean?)

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Mean~Taylor Swift

I want to thank all of you who see me for me! I feel so loved and accepted by you all that my life is just bright!

I need to just ignore the people who have been making me feel that this song is appropriate for this time. 

Direct: I do have standards!! in case anyone was wondering. 

"you don't know what you don't know." 

Don't judge me.

"let he that is innocent cast the first stone" 

I love all of you who love me for me! You are wonderful.

You make my day every day and you make me feel so special.

Those who don't, this song is for you and I hope you know I wish you the best.

Oh Happy Day! 

Love D'liss!