What IS it?

What is it that makes calculus fun? I know that probably sounds weird, but honestly depending on the day calculus can be exciting and exhilarating.
I just finished my homework. It took me a little while but I got 100% on it so yay for me!

Also, what is it with my house? Seriously. I swear something is always being worked on.
We took the carpet out of the hall, we remodeled my room, and then we discovered our sunroom floor was rotten and we have to have the entire thing redone. The next day we left the sprinklers on and flooded the basement. Oh what an adventure.

What is it with people these days.  I have discovered in my measly 17 years that people can be brutal and oblivious. Living with the fact that I don't fit into my young women's group, faking my way through social situations because I feel like I don't fit in, and being treated like I'm going inactive after an entire 2 years back in YW! The last time I went to mutual (2 weeks ago) I had to leave early for an appointment and my leader pulled me aside and said "Corlissa, you have been doing so well at coming to mutual" If she really knew how cliquey those girls are she would be appalled that she said something like that to me. Honestly I was hurt. No I didn't intentionally miss the last two weeks I just have been uber busy and haven't really been up to pretending I fit in after the stress of doing it during school.
Ok I guess I fit in at school but it feels like I don't sometimes.
(by the way I skipped out on mutual for about 6 months and still finished my personal progress with two and a half years to spare. and I started over)
Oh the fear of rejection how we all love it!

take a breath and breathe
take a look and see
all you need is me, 
all you need is me
~ All You Need- The Gibbons ( one of my favorite bands, you won't find them on youtube sadly)

Oh happy day!

OK THIS IS JUST PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!

I am done with the "poor poor pitiful me posts"!!!!!! I feel like I'm some petulant child.  Things are what they are! If they change good for them If they don't who cares?
SO this is my official start of school year wonderful post as it is the first post at the beginning of a school year and this is a run on sentence.
I basically love most of my classes. MOST of them calculus not so much...
I have discovered that having no set group of friends is somewhat problematic when it comes to many social situations. such as what to do during lunch. today I resorted to walking down the drag and visiting my grandmother.....that is the height of fantastic...ness.
I generally meander around the school greeting all the awesome people I wish I was a better friend to. all wishful thinking.
I tried for homecoming pageant choir rep today...that was interesting. I made it through almost to the last round of voting. I was actually kinda glad cuz where was I gonna pull a skit from? my chungs? (that was for you sis)
I love the fact that my friend keeps getting mad at me for being so negative. He keeps coming up with these silly things to say to me such as... Corlissa, you are the best singer in the school. Lots of people say it. And you are beautiful and should just remember it....
Crazy buddy. I can believe the beautiful part but only cuz I say that to myself in the mirror every morning cuz I was told to during YASE. The best singer part, I beg to differ!
Oh the joy of high school and insecurity. Get over it. (I also say that to myself all the time)

LOVE ME!!!!!!!!
OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

On a Day Like Today.

Basically on a day like today I would like to just snuggle down in my bed with a book. I had to make do with the car but the book I was reading was not helping. I shall explain.
Today I realized, finally, that my dear PT Cruiser is gone. It isn't so much that it is gone that makes me immeasurably sad but the memories that I miss.

• Being hit with a spoon because someone decided throwing his pudding cup top out the window was a good idea
• my car being called the "blue zit" which I shall take as a term of endearment.
• running everywhere in that car cuz it was easier to handle.
• parking cllleeeaaar down the walmart parking lot and getting guff for it
• dropping my phone in the cup holder which was full of water and still having the best birthday of my life.
• squiggly driving with my sister cuz that's what we did
• Kissing in the headlights.
• etc.

I took for granted all those fun things til I had those memories hit me today.
The reason the book I was reading was making life harder is cuz I happened to be reading "Charlie St.Cloud" I was told months ago to see the movie but haven't yet. Borders was having a sale so I bought the book and use a picture of the person whose favorite movie it is as a bookmark. (that probably sounds weird)
He doesn't know I'm reading it. He would probably freak out because I'm READING it haha
But sadly he doesn't really have a say in what I do till he actually says something

On a day like today I cried.

oh happy day

My daddy traded in the beautiful blue cruiser
:[
That's sad.

all sorts of stuff on dads phone ;)

I am currently at the kengarff dealership.
My wisdom teeth are gone, my jaw is semi working, my dad and I went on an excursion to look at cars for fun and actually are trading in our truck for a new dark gray one. Fun fun!!!

This ones for you!

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Dear Michael Milkanin,
Thank you for sharing this song with me.
And thank you so much for your amazing support and talent and all the things you taught me.
Corlissa.


To all of the rest of you,
This song helped me through a hard time that no one knew was really hard for me.
I hid what I was feeling and this song somehow made it all better.

This ones for you!
All of you


Oh HAPPY Day!!!

One Moment

(an original [crappy] lyric by Corlissa Jensen)
(V1)
I don't want to hear another song
Like the ones I heard today
I don't want to say the things I said
Yesterday.
I want you to explain
But you already have.
(chorus)
Give me one moment
To say how I feel
give me one second
To change your mind
Just give me one chance to turn your head
and say
...I miss you
(V2)
Don't let me hold you back
Like I have in the past
Don't let me hurt you or me
Like I know I am
I want to change who I was
But still to stay the same
(chorus)
Give me one moment
To say how I feel
Give me one second
To change your mind
Just give me one chance to turn your head
and say
(Bridge)
I look back and I see you
I see who I was and who I am now
Nothing I can say can bring that back
But I don't want to hurt myself anymore
I'm not a masochist
so make up your mind
(la fin)
Give me one moment
give me one second
don't let me humiliate who I am
Just let me say this once
I just miss

you